For a few brief, terrifying moments Wednesday, we feared Snooki was pregnant.

It all started with an ugly, horrible, breakfast-ruining rumour from RadarOnline.

“She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming,” a source told the site, adding that boyfriend Jionni LaValle had been sharing the news with close family and friends.

While a photo search mercifully didn’t reveal a Snooki bump, it did fail to turn up the expected number of drunk duck faces.

Finally, she made an appearance on Opie & Anthony to set the record straight: There will be no spawn of Snooki.

“Why are people calling me fat?” she wondered. “That’s so rude!”

It is rude, Snooks. It is rude and we won’t stand for it.